


Can't Stop You Putting Roots (In My Dreamland)

by drugsandcaandy



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Sharing Clothes, it's super breifly mentioned so i don't think anything will actually be triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28544616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drugsandcaandy/pseuds/drugsandcaandy
Summary: If she thinks about it, the prospect of giving Dani clothes isn't really all that bad. She's not going anywhere. The clothes aren't going anywhere.But there's still that part of her that can't accept it- that scared little kid clinging to an oversized, torn denim jacket like her life depends on it because everything else has already been taken from her.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 8
Kudos: 97





	Can't Stop You Putting Roots (In My Dreamland)

**Author's Note:**

> title from ivy by taylor swift because i'm *that* type of lesbian. is it any surprise? unbeta'd and written in less than a day because i had an Idea and immediately Had to do it.

It all starts when Jamie leaves her jacket at their motel. The sun is setting, they're in some tiny town in North Carolina, and Dani suggests they walk down the street to get dinner. There's a diner a few blocks away- they discovered it that morning, and while it's about the size of their motel room and twice as dirty, the food is amazing. And cheap, which is too much of a bonus to pass up. It's that or the McDonald's they passed roughly 60 miles ago. 

It's dark when they leave the diner and Jamie's shivering in her cotton t-shirt. She walks faster. It'll only be a few minutes. 

"Here," Dani says, and before Jamie can process what's happening, Dani's draping her jacket around Jamie's shoulders. She's wearing a jumper under it and doesn't seem to be all that cold, so Jamie gratefully accepts, wrapping the jacket around herself. It smells like Dani's flowery shampoo and it's still warm from her body.

She never wants to take it off. It feels like the clothing equivalent of a hug. 

She keeps it on even after they get back to the motel. If Dani finds anything odd about this, she doesn't show it. She just throws Jamie a shirt and heads to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

It's one of Dani's shirts, Jamie realizes as she unfolds it. It's worn and faded to the point where Jamie can't make out the writing on the front but it's soft and has that same Dani smell. She strips out of her clothes, puts on the shirt and pajama pants, and climbs under the covers.

"Thank you," she says softly when Dani emerges from the bathroom. Dani kisses her forehead and Jamie damn near tears up from the tenderness of it. 

"Get some sleep," Dani says. "We've got another long drive tomorrow."

*

Jamie never gives the shirt back. It makes its rounds as one of her regular pajama tops. They move in together and for the first time in years, Jamie's sharing a closet again. Dani's told Jamie she doesn't mind sharing, so sometimes Jamie ends up taking her clothes- a shirt here, a cardigan there, and it never matters all that much. Dani never takes Jamie's clothes. Jamie's not sure if it's because she's never been given permission or it's because she knows, but Jamie's secretly glad they've never had to talk about it. It's too much of a burden on Dani. She's getting stronger, less scared of losing herself, but Jamie still doesn't want to upset the fragile balance of their new life together. 

But Jamie trusts her. And she settles into their life, as does Dani. A year passes. They build a home together. And it's theirs, it really is. Jamie's first real home in years, if she's being honest. Maybe her first real home ever.

It's theirs. It takes her a long time to realize no one is coming to take it, or take her. They're staying right where they are, and so are her things. _Their_ things. 

And Dani's not going anywhere either. If she thinks about it, the prospect of giving Dani clothes isn't really all that bad. She's not going anywhere. The clothes aren't going anywhere. She can always take them back after a while, and then they'll smell like Dani, too. It's really a win-win situation.

But there's still that part of her that can't accept it- that scared little kid clinging to an oversized, torn denim jacket like her life depends on it because everything else has already been taken from her.

_It will be fine_ , she tells herself. Dani isn't going anywhere, and neither is her damn shirt. 

*

She finally does it one night while they're getting ready for bed. She picked a shirt before hand, one she's worn a million times, so thin it has holes near the collar.

"Baby? You need something to wear to bed?" Jamie says it so casually, as if she's not holding out a piece of her soul to Dani to see what she does with it.

"No, I've got stuff clean, I just…" Dani trails off as she turns around and looks at the shirt Jamie's holding. " _Oh_. Oh, sweetheart." 

_She's so beautiful,_ Jamie thinks, staring helplessly as Dani unhooks her bra and pulls on the shirt. 

"It smells like you," Dani says, curling up next to Jamie in bed. "Are you sure? I mean, I know how protective you are of your stuff. You don't have to do this just because I let you wear my clothes."

"I'm sure." Jamie rests her head on Dani's chest, the safest, most comfortable place she's ever known. "I trust you. And I trust you enough to tell you why I'm so protective, if that's okay."

"Of course it's okay. Go ahead, I'm right here." Dani runs a hand through Jamie's hair. She's learned, by now, what tends to happen if Jamie tries to talk about the past too much- she's been there through every nightmare and panic attack, anchoring her, bringing her back. Jamie couldn't imagine anything better. 

She takes a deep breath and focuses on Dani's hand in her hair. "See, in the foster homes, nothing was really ever mine. A lot of the other girls stole, and there wasn't anything I could do about it- the adults didn't care, and besides that, if they caught you telling there'd be hell to pay from the girls. And every time you move you have to pack up everything you own in a bin bag and drag it with you and everyone knows exactly what you are. You're nothing. And you have nothing. So I learned to pack light. Clothes and a few photos they'd let me keep. That was it. Then when I ran, all I had on me was what I could fit in a rucksack. In jail nothing's yours. Not even your clothes. So when I got out, when I finally managed to start building a life that was _mine_...I held on to things. Didn't matter what it was. I owned it. No one could take it from me anymore. Got a bit possessive. I didn't want anyone taking things from me ever again. I didn't want to live with nothing ever again. It sounds stupid, and materialistic, and selfish, but I just couldn't stomach the thought of giving it all up. It'd be like giving up the life I'd made." She swallows hard. She's shaking, but she's not cold- her body reacts like that sometimes, almost as if remembering the long-gone terror of those places. "But I love you so much, Dani. And if you say you're not going anywhere, I trust that. I'm not going anywhere either."

"You're not there anymore. You're here, with me, and we're safe. You're safe. I love you, and you're safe." Dani pulls Jamie closer, the pressure of her arms the only thing stopping Jamie from floating away. It's not always this bad, but they've learned how to deal with it. Some times are worse than others. But no matter what, Dani's always there, pulling her back. 

She's not going anywhere. They're not going anywhere. Not for a long time, at least.

They're safe. 

**Author's Note:**

> i write this as someone who spent a good portion of their childhood in the system and i mayyyy have gotten a little personal in that monologue. oh well. what are comfort characters for if not to project all your own trauma on to?
> 
> i wrote this while wearing my wife's shirt. this seemed like important information to share. not that any of this is based of personal experience, of course. that would be ludicrous.


End file.
